A Goal Without Its Post

                                Like most other tiny tots, I cried relentlessly on my first day of school life. I did not like the idea of being abandoned by mom and dad in a place full of screaming children, perhaps it seemed like a torture house. In a bid to make me stop crying, my dad picked me up and said, "Son, if you want to be a policeman and beat up people, you need to go to school first." Yes, that was the first ambition I ever had, one that I vaguely remember. A violent little prat I was, and I guess I was quite inspired by the way policemen punched out bad guys in movies.
                                About five years later, during my last couple of years at primary school, I scoffed at the idea of being a policeman, and I set my sights on a newer and more impressive word - Scientist! I was quite a bright student then and whenever I told someone that I wanted to be a Scientist, they cheered me on and even believed that I would one day, be the same. But those days, I hadly knew that Science was more than just learning the fact that 'plants have life' or that we 'breathe in oxygen and give out Carbon dioxide'.
                                 Three years later, when I had had enough of Physics and Chemistry, I had to drop the Scientist idea. But again, there had to be a goal in every school boy's life, and my new ambition was Archaeology! Not that I scored outstanding marks in History or Geography, but it was this new-found dream to travel, and to discover. Of course I knew that almost every corner of the world had been discovered and explored by legends of History like Columbus, Magellan, Marco Polo and millions of other known and unknown men and women. However, I was still fascinated with History, and a trip to the ancient temples in Kumbakonam, especially the vibrant Darasuram, and also the spectacular stories of battles and sieges that I was fed on, spurred me on.
                                  However, my mom and dad ridiculed my idea and asked me to choose a more realistic ambition. I thought I would never give up on my idea though, but anyway, at the end of my tenth grade, I had to choose a major. The choices were Bio with PCM, Computer Science with PCM, and finally Commerce. I had no idea about Commerce, except that people kept telling me that it was the third group and people with low marks in their tenth boards had no choice but to take up this group. Thus crazily informed, I was keen to keep away from Commerce. During that time I had developed a strong dislike for computers and Engineering. My friends were always way ahead of me in their knowledge about computers, gadgets and machines. Two of my best friends used to leave me in the dark when they often discussed about the latest computer games, hardwares, softwares and crap. Perhaps this is why I still hate Engineering, and so, the only option left was Biology, which was the First group!!
                                   I convinced my dad that I took up Biology because I wanted to be a doctor. (He felt MBBS was more realistic than Archaeology!) But in truth, I was looking forward to being a vet. I loved animals and I was particularly inspired by the legendary Croc Hunter, Steve Irwin. Halfway through my high school though, I found that veterinary science was a gruesome job, and so once again, I dropped my ambition. As was customary, I had to fish out another new goal, and this time, Bio-technology and Genetics caught my eye. But very soon, I realized that it was quite a complicated field, rather too complicated for my liking! A couple of months before the start of my final board exams, I began to get desperate. I applied for the Humanities entrance exam at IIT, while most of my friends booked for JEE! After the board exams though, I was completely relaxed and all of a sudden I found myself in a position I'v never been in. I did write the Humanities exam, but with the very little time I had to prepare, I knew I would not make it. So at that point, I was without any real, solid goal. Though I was determined not to take up Engineering, I was still not sure which other road to take!
                                   Confused, yet I was in no hurry to find myself a new ambition. The holidays after school were long, but fun and deserving. People would ask me what I was going to do next, what course I was gonna choose, and I would reply without any fuss or hesitation- "anything but Engineering"! Late in May, our results were announced, I was relieved to have secured a respectable total. But my cut-off marks were on the average side, and my dad frowned and grunted, "With this mark, I don't think any Engineering college would take you in!"
                                   I blinked! That was one remark I had never expected. All these years, I was determined to keep my back to Engineering, but the thought that Engineering itself would not accept a student like me, fuelled a rage within, and the very same day, I was in AMCET, filling out my admission form; They warned me that ECE was the toughest stream, and I said, with that rage and pride still burning inside me, "Bring it on!!! "
                                   Now, three years have passed since I took the dumbest decision of my life; It had been eighteen years ago when I had wanted to be a policeman! And during those years in between, there have been several professions that i had wanted to choose, yet I find myself in that one field I never wished to be in. Academically, the three years in Engineering have been disastrous for me. I am not one to live eternally in regret, I know there's a lot more to life. I'm having my huge share of fun and party with my friends, and with one last year of engineering left, I need to try and focus on mending all the academic and social cracks in my life!
                                   Though I had discarded the idea of being an Archaeologist, I am still fascinated by the thoughts of an extremely adventurous life full of travels, explorations and discoveries. Once again, I have created an ambition for myself- Journalism! But no matter what I become, I only hope that my career would take me places. To HELL with engineering! 

              I need to walk free, I wish to run wild....... I just wanna FLYYY!!!

 Sigh! But I know how my friends would react- "Nee thirundave maate da!"

      

Adieu...to the days of our lives!

              Sitting idle for a while can bring to one's mind strange thoughts, which are more often than not, true. In about a month, I will have to be in college again, the beginning of a new semester, and the beginning of the 'final' year. It seems quite ironic to me that my friends and I would come to the end of our college days the same year as the world is supposed to end (2012). :p Of the 21 years that I have lived, the last 3 years for some reason, seem to have whizzed past in a hurry. A fascinating ride one could say, the college days. Seniors and my older cousins often recall their final years in college as the best of their lives, which means my best days are just round the corner. Excited as I am, there still is a spot of bother, a pain or worry that lingers somewhere at the bottom of the heart. It might be because I try to squint through the life beyond final year in college and I can make out nothing but thick mist.
                Let's face it; None of us really believe that Armageddon is slated for 2012, so we do try and predict our future beyond it. So far, there really has not been much of a worry regarding our fates, because for the time being, we are with our most trusted friends, and they are all, in one way or the other, staring down at the same barrel. During times of difficulties, we have learnt to live with each other and find solace in those friends we are blessed with. Whenever life pulls us down, people say that friends lend a hand and pull us back up. But here in college, I find that all my friends are down here at the bottom of the sea with me and yet, we party and rejoice like crazy. We hardly pause to look into the future for it seems too eerily distorted. For now, we are happy to just live in the present and with friends by our sides, none of us are alone. It would seem that we can never be separated, but those of you who have already graduated would know the hard and bitter truth.
                  No matter what we may promise by spoken word, or what we write into a friend's slam book, once we step out of the college gates for the very last time, our paths diverge. The responsibilities that would be thrust upon us would eventually pull us down to the real, dreary world. College is all about defining friendship, the strong emotions and the big secrets that we share with each other strengthen those tight bonds between us. We'v been possessive about our friends, laughed with them till our stomachs pained, even for the silliest of jokes, we'v slept off hours of forgotten lectures, all the teasing and the pranks we'v played while we were awake; one could speak for a lifetime about those little moments. Soon, those moments will be mere memories that constantly wash our minds like the waves at the shore. The secrets may die out, the bonds may fade...the memories though, will remain till the very end. Though four years is only a brief while in a lifetime, we know that this brief period has made our lives worth living.
                As we begin to drift apart in just a few months, it would mark the end of the best phase of our lives. We would never again sit together with all those close buddies behind scribbled-upon desks, some friends, we might never even see or hear of them again. There will come days however, like today, when I'l sit idle and look back at the better part of life, will walk down those empty corridors which echo with joyous talks and laughter, I'l peer into the deserted class rooms, and find myself with all my friends sitting on our chairs, arms around shoulders and feet on the desks. I will definitely remember the final day; the hugs, the cheers and the silent stream of tears, all a testimony to the golden days we'v lived and shared...Even as I dream of those glorious days, I shall believe that elsewhere, my friends too are sailing over the same sea of tears, the sea of dreams; no matter how far apart we may be, we shall still walk hand in hand along the memory lane, we shall walk with a smile and a tear... A walk through The days of our lives...!